As a young child I was naturally reactive and easily bothered. In one specific instance a boy who was 2 or 3 years my senior had decided it would be fun to pull at the hair on the back of my neck. My first response was to simply ask “What are you doing?” To my surprise his response was, “Trying to hurt you.” To which I immediately responded by turning around and pushing him as hard as I could. The boy fell to the ground and I was immediately whisked away by my father. He calmly asked me what happened, and listened to my response. My reaction was warranted to most, but my father made me apologize to the boy for my outburst. I cannot remember his exact words or the rest of my consequences, but whatever they were I remember the lesson they taught. Never respond in anger. Even if you are being treated unfairly or cruelly. The reason why this lesson stuck was because I saw my father live by this rule. I never once saw him act out of anger, no matter the circumstances.

My father was not an avid sports fan, but he enjoyed watching his favorite football or basketball teams play. No matter the team, my father always appreciated athletes that could do their job well and maintain humility. One of these players happened to be Tim Duncan. Now he was not a Spurs fan at all. Actually, the Spurs were a division rival of his preferred team. Yet my father often expressed respect for him because he was a master of his craft, but never acted like a diva on the court. Regardless of his loyalties, my father respected Duncan for this. He was never involved in controversy. He simply played the game to the best of his ability. As I developed into a successful athlete at the high school level, I kept this in mind. If I could be exceptional in both my performance and humility, I knew I would be respected as an individual. And I was.

My father was and is a perfectionist to the highest degree. He is also skilled in many areas, including live sound engineering. I remember when I was nearing my teenage years attending a wedding within my extended family. My family helped with the set up for the wedding and reception, but were otherwise uninvolved in the event. The person tasked with the audio production for the wedding was relatively inexperienced, but competent enough in the basics. During the set-up my father had pointed out some minor errors being made by the sound technician. This was not an attempt to criticize for the sake of criticism, but an opportunity for him to teach me skills that could eventually be useful to know. After he explained the errors and their solutions, I asked why he didn’t fix them. He explained that even though there were improvements he could make, they were minor and it would take him away from his current responsibilities with set-up. It was more important for him to fulfill his role than to go around correcting everyone else on theirs. Outside of the lessons on equipment set-up and mixing that he explained, I also was taught that sometimes it is okay to allow others to do things even if you can do it better.

Growing up my father placed extreme importance on language. We were not to use language that could be seen as rude, disrespectful, or vulgar in any context. Placeholders for language in these categories were also not to be used regardless of environment. Any time my siblings or I used a word that could fall into any of these categories, we were quickly (although not brazenly) corrected. Even if the words were generally acceptable to most people, including people within the same cultural and moral circles, our language was to be free of any word that may be perceived as rude by any person. This was not a matter of formality or grammatical excellence, rather it was to avoid offense. Even a phrase as simple and seemingly harmless as, “that sucks” was to be avoided because of the roots of this expression. This made me careful to know the meaning of the words I used and the implications of my language. Furthermore it taught me that a person should have the same standard for morality regardless of environment. Just because something is common, that does not automatically make it moral.